to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk is not a location!
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