after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
