New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
