Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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