Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
