The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's get the cat blown out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
