did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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