I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
