My cat gives me a boner
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
