I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
