I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
