In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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