I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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