I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is wine microwaveable?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
