I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
