We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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