Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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