Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My liver just had a heart attack.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
