***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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