Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
