I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
