That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
