I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
