Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
