and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
