i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
