did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
