Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
