I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
