I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
