if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
