Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
