Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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