My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
