He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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