I am puke
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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