Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
