Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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