My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
