Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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