My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
