the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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