The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
