She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
