then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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