I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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