being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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