Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
