I hate your face
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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