It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
