Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
