your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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