Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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