So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If that was your dad, he is hot
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
