I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
