your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
