What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm at about main and main street
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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