So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
