Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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