YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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