dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I didn't notice because vodka
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
