I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
