i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
