our cab driver is having phone sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
