I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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