You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
