She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
