Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
