just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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