You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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